Dear Grade 1 – 7 Parents

Last night I had an opportunity to address the Grade 4-7 parents who attended the Curriculum Information Evening.  I would like to share some of my thinking with our Foundation Phase parents, as well as with parents who were not able to attend this session.  Here is a copy of my address:

Noah William Smith is a multi-award-winning author. His new book, “2024… Your Year of More”, was published recently. It is a short, concise, and impactful guide to living a life of purpose and satisfaction. He emphasizes the importance of investing in oneself, understanding the significance of physical and mental health, and taking small steps to achieve significant improvements in the quality of your life.

 

The year of more

So, what does 2024, the year of more have in store for us?  I have spoken before about our new alpha generation, the children born after 2010. This generation is now being described as the honey badger generation as the children are strong-willed, ambitious, fierce, fearless and wildly confident. This was very evident on our recent Grade 7 camp, and we all delighted in seeing these characteristics in our girls.

Fearlessness, we know, can foster creativity and innovation. Those willing to take risks are more likely to explore new ideas, try unconventional approaches, and push boundaries. What an exciting generation! I want to be a honey badger.

Some drawbacks, however, of having a honey badger attitude includes difficulty following directions and adhering to rules.  Sometimes these challenges may negatively impact their relationship with adults or rule-following peers. It is believed that these challenges can be overcome without snuffing out the positive aspects of being a “honey badger kid.”

Teachers and parents are encouraged to take the lead by setting clear boundaries, teaching safety and cooperation, and encouraging empathy in order to find the balance. We are noticing that explaining the ‘why’ is becoming more and more important for little honey badgers and, not the old, because I told you so!  That is not working anymore.

 

Healthy communication

Teachers and parents are also encouraged to lead by example. It’s essential for us to model healthy communication and conflict-resolution skills, showing children how to assert themselves while still respecting others. Guiding children to understand the consequences of their actions, can help them apply their behaviours constructively and responsibly.

This generation really excites me, but at the same time, more so than ever, I have been more anxious and nervous, and more worried about our honey badgers – 2024 the year of more….

Parenting, and I extend this to our influence at school as well, has changed – we know that each decade faces new challenges.  As parents and teachers, we need to step up more than ever before.  Our children have more information at their fingertips and are more exposed to a world of mystery and wonder, but also to more rubbish, and more litter in our society and on the internet. SO MUCH MORE EXPOSURE, yet physiologically, their brains are not able to cope with the demands our society is placing on them and exposing them to.

 

Step up more

We have to step up more in guiding our children to understand the consequences of their actions.  We have to step up more in helping them apply their behaviours constructively and responsibly.  It’s getting harder and harder to parent, to be present, to engage and most of all to say NO and set boundaries.

Noah William Smith writes about more focus on physical and mental wellness as a 2024 priority.  We all know that without a true balance between the two, academic success can be limited.

One of our main focuses this year, in our community, needs to be on helping and guiding our girls regarding their mental wellbeing.  Over the course of last year, we have been trialling the Steer Global project, which helps us, over time, monitor and steer mental wellness in the right direction.  We will be fully implementing the programme from Gr 4 -8 this year.

 

Friendship turbulences

I know that at home, and definitely at school, we hear of the friendship turbulences that our girls experience.  It is complex process. Last year, we partnered with an organisation called Girls On Board to respond to these situations more effectively.  Girls on Board is an approach which helps girls, their parents and their teachers to understand the complexities and dynamics of girl friendships. The language, methods and ideas empower girls to solve their own friendship problems and recognises that they are usually the only ones who can. Our teachers have been though the training on the approach, and we will be bringing you onboard too, this year.

2024 has to be the year of more. More connection, more listening, more understanding, more grace, more focus on relationships, more parental awareness and engagement.  We are certainly blessed at HRS with the amount of parental engagement, and I thank you for this.

Our little honey badgers are exposed to so much more, and have so much more to navigate than ever before.  Although they appear feisty and confident, they are still little girls.  And what little girls value the most is to be connected, to belong, to be listened to and heard, and to know that they are enough. They need boundaries to feel safe and in control, even though they might not think so.

 

Most important connections

I have realised over the last year that the most important connections are within the family unit – an incredible gift that must be nurtured – we often take this for granted and get caught up in the busyness of life.  Many of us, including myself, have experienced the deep pain of loss this year of people very close to us.  This can happen in the blink of an eye. Don’t put off connection time that you could have today, for tomorrow.  It may never come.

Whatever your family looks like, this doesn’t matter, but give your child more of you this year.

My worry for your children often keeps me up at night.

 

Primal instinct to protect

We can all agree that as parents we have a primal instinct to protect our children from harm.  I am always surprised how this instinct comes out.

I think by now you know how much I value the mental wellbeing of your children. My worry comes from what I see, what I experience and the many research articles that I follow. Science is heavily supporting the fact that smartphone usage is an accelerator of mental health issues in young girls.  The peer pressure around smartphone ownership is high and makes parents feel powerless and feel that they should give in to this pressure.

 

Research

A staggering amount of research has come out in 2023 to support this. The Global Mind Project being one of them.

Substantial proportions of young people surveyed in this report who had seen pornography, viewed it at a much younger age than 13, 27% by age 11 and 10% by the age of 9.

Science also tells us that young brains, tweens and teenagers have a high susceptibility to rewards.  High levels of dopamine are released with the thought of what message/likes/attention they MIGHT receive, not what they do receive.  This can lead to addictions. The access to litter on social media platforms is shocking; and the curiosity factor of our children should not be underestimated. Also, the lack of ‘cognitive’ brain downtime, due to the incessant amount of Whatsapp communication, good or bad, is draining on any brain.  Face-to-face communication skills are also being compromised.

It is a well-known fact that even Steve Jobs limited his own children’s access to smartphones.

Globally, the increase in smartphone usage accelerates around the age of 10.  We know that tech companies do not care about your children, they care about sales. We know that social media platforms care even less about children but for caution, place an age restriction on an app at 13.

 

Survey of HRS children

At the end of 2023, I conducted a survey of HRS children Gr 2 -7.  60% of our children have access to a smartphone, with numbers accelerating in Grade 4, and culminating in 98% of the Grade 7 girls surveyed owned a smartphone. With the new cyber laws recently passed in South Africa, criminal liability is now set at the age of 10.

The truth is that many parents feel powerless to stop the pressure of smartphone ownership.

Many parents fear that their child will be left out, left behind or be less productive without a smartphone if everyone around her has one.

Despite the barriers we know exist, I feel strongly that we need to show our honey badgers that we too can be courageous and bold to take a stand as community – we know that there is strength in numbers.

I would like to propose the adoption of:

SmartAge for Smart Phone.

 

Smart Age for Smart phone

For parents to carefully consider the right time for ownership, and slow down the process of smartphone ownership in a primary school.

Right kid, right time, right phone.

Every child is different, every family dynamic is different. Your children are not using their smartphones at school, you are going to need to manage this at home. You have put the device in their hands, but you need to carefully consider and weigh up the reasons for this decision for your primary school child.  Your child will push you in more ways that you know possible about the reasons she needs a phone.  But it is only through developing trust and setting boundaries, and intense monitoring as you move through the stages of having a total ban, to operating in a ‘police state’ and loosening the reigns.

 

Mitigating potential risks

Furthermore, not only will you be mitigating potential risks for your child, you are being released from a whole new series of parenting tasks and worries that a smartphone can bring. And as a school we can spend less time on social media issues that happen outside of school and focus more on nurturing God given talents.

Many people, children and adults alike, are suffering from ‘nomophobia‘ (no mobile phone phobia).  The real fear is not being connected. A friendship circle is the most important aspect of a girls’ life. Without a phone, they fear that they will lose connection and will be rejected.

But do we let 12-year-olds drive cars?” “No. Why? Because cars are dangerous. If we took the time to teach a 12-year-old how to drive a car, they could, but would you still let them? No, because it is dangerous.

Many adults know firsthand of their own smartphone addiction and struggle to get a handle on this at times. Why would we be placing this addiction into the hands of our children.

So let’s all start the SmartAge for Smartphone conversations with your daughters.

 

Being left out

Address the first fear: Being left out:

Agree that your child may be left out but consider the why and reason for this action.

It may be beneficial for your child to be left out of:

• Constant online interaction that is draining
• Possible cyberbullying
• Digital litter and pornography
• Temptations
• Picking herself apart because her picture wasn’t as filtered as her friend’s picture

To get started in adopting a SmartAge for SmartPhone, we are initiating a first-step call to action, a bold and fierce honey badger action!

 

Phone free 40 days

On the 14 February, which happens to be Valentine’s Day and Ash Wednesday, the start of Lent, we’re inviting the girls to pledge “phone free 40 days”. That’s 40 days with the phone off, 100% of the time. If your daughter doesn’t own a phone, she can join in too.

Many of you may be thinking…my daughter will never go for that, but I don’t get bogged down with the barriers, explain the why, and let us see if the honey badgers surprise us. 

If your daughter already has nomophobia, to support your, her you can:

Identify barriers and overcome them together.

• If and where needed, buy her a non-smart phone so she can make phone calls.
• Help her notify friends and family that she can be reached by phoning you over the 40 days.
• Help her plan some “in person” social interaction with her friends.
• Let her choose the activity that you do together in a half hour special family time.

 

Parents’ pledge

We are calling parents to pledge too, by setting the example and giving up something phone-related, yourself, for the 40 days too. Our teachers are onboard and are also willing to pledge.

For girls who are willing, we would also like to conduct some research in this first step with those who are willing, by tracking their daily experiences, emotional highs and lows during this period.

Details surrounding the pledge will happen in the next two weeks.

Let us take a stand in showing how much we care, even when it is hard. Let us be the school that makes Phone free 40 days happen.

Take the pressure off the school.

Take the pressure of the children. 

And more importantly, take the pressure off yourselves.

Let this special HRS community take the lead, let us do more in 2024 for our children.

 

Natalie Meerholz
Primary School Principal